FEMINEGATIVE NANCIES
December 26th, 2008
When they're not jabbling on about their histrorectograms and their low fat yoga, women are complaining. Normally I ignore everything women say, but they go too far when they complain about the conditions of women in the projects. Don't burst an ovary, ladies, but it's time to castrate this movement once and for all on a point by point basis:
DOMESTIC ABUSE
The rolling pin is irrefutable proof that spousal abuse goes both ways. Just like with my marriage and everybody else's, it's not a true partnership unless the abuse is shared roughly equally. I'm pretty sure that's even the law in Louisiana under the Napoleonic Code.
INCOME DISPARITY
Yes, women make less than men on average, but women also spend less money on food, sports, video games, porn, prostitutes, and firearms than men do too. As Adam Smith proved, the invisible hand of capitalism actually balances out this apparent disparity down to the penny.
PROSTITUTION
First they complain about unemployment and then they completely contradict themselves by complaining about prostitution, I assume because of their oscillating hormones. If I could get women to pay to have sex with me I would stop prostituting myself to the Man and abort this unwelcome fetus of a website in a second. Now I appreciate a good-looking man as much as the next man, even if the next man is hideous, which proves that I'm straight and could never be a gay prostitute, unfortunately.
UGH
I have trouble understanding why we put up with women. Honestly, I would be contemplating divorce if our family doctor didn't give vicodin out like medicine. The worst part of divorce, however, is being married first and I know that I'd just end up falling into some other woman's dark, smelly pit of despair if I went through with it and the bloody cycle would repeat itself.